Depersonalisation

[Yacob]

Hello, John.

I love that I can speak to you in this way and I’m excited to be apart of this community. I have both of your books- Emotional Clearing and also Deep Clearing. They really touched a nerve in me in a really positive way and I want to continue to learn from you.

These questions have come to me somewhat intuitively during meditation recently and continue to prod me in my daily sessions. My first is about not being able to feel a feeling of connectedness with my higher self. I actually saw this as a serious issue because I assumed the whole point of this type of meditation is to unify with something greater than a conscious ego, so I thought I was doing something wrong. I then got to the point in your new book where you break down all of the chakras and all of the associated emotions and was surprised to see that you’ve mentioned feeling cut of from source, despair, airiness, disconnection as well as clinical disassociation are all feelings that you should treat in the exact same way as more simple feelings such as jealousy, anger, insignificance etc. I’m really intrigued by this concept. Does there come a point where you have to do more than just take a feeling of being cut off from source or airiness through the emotional clearing steps? For example: become more intellectually informed about concepts such as karma, higher self, kali yuga, and really understand why it is so important to treat all difficult circumstances as opportunities to clear suppressed negativity? Or is that approach too left brained? Do we always have to keep these concepts in mind whilst processing a difficult emotion? I feel that if I did this, it would potentially resolve my feelings of being unable to feel the power of a higher self or even to buy into the concept in the first place.

I might also mention that for a very long time, actually for most of my life, I’ve struggled with depersonalisation, which is very similar to disassociation. Especially during stressful times, I feel completely and utterly as if I am living in a dream or a simulation, where nothing around me is real. It is a very scary and debilitating condition that I’m yet to fully get ahold of, even with psychotherapy. I have come to understand that this is probably my brain’s attempt to protect itself from painful feelings as it would rather convince itself that the current reality isn’t real rather than feel overwhelming pain. I have tried sitting with this feeling as well as related feelings like despair, panic, fear etc and taking them through the steps which has proven to be probably the best approach I’ve ever used. It gives me a lot of relief. But the problem with it (and this ties into my first question) is that I lose all sense of connection to reality and the 3 dimensional world. This then causes me to forget my reason for clearing negativity which induces a strong feeling of depression. Just sitting with it seems to make it worse if I don’t simultaneously remind myself that this is in fact real and it is an opportunity for a really significant clearing.

So, to summarise, would you recommend me to stay anchored to all of the information in your books relating to karma, higher self, Kali Yuga, and remind myself that I am truly connected to something much greater than a physical body whilst processing depersonalisation/disassociation? And should I also take this approach with other, more simple emotions?

Sorry for rambling on. I hope you understand my points and thank you so much for your input John.

[John Ruskan]

The emphasis in my work is primarily to enable people to cleanse their subconscious suppressed energies. This is nuts and bolts psychology. When we get into talking about the Higher Self, we are getting into a speculative area where very few people can be regarded as experts, and I would not be one of them. It is thought that there is a Higher Self, and also that it is normal to not yet be in touch with it. Getting in touch can be regarded as one of the goals. But certainly, if you feel remorseful for not yet being in touch, you are beating yourself up for no good reason. I would not advise anyone to be fixated on this, there are probably more serious issues in the lower chakras to work out, and maybe you are avoiding them by the fixation. It might be enough to just assume that you are being guided by your Higher Self, even if you are not consciously aware of it.

If you experience 'airiness' or disconnection from 3D reality, processing the airiness would probably help, as well as emphasizing grounding. But will processing help increase the Higher Self connection - possibly, but of course there are other practices that will help as well but that's not really my area of expertise. It is part of my regular meditation to feel that I have shifted to my Higher Self by focusing on the crown chakra and seeing myself with raised vibration and sense of expansion, surrounded by a large ovoid form, but that's my personal thing. Let me again remind you that Witnessing is a main route to activate the Higher Self. As the Witness identity builds, it overcomes lower-self identification and constructs what leads to Higher Self realization. You can practice witnessing with lower chakra issues.

These are subtle questions that pertain to your personal psychic make-up. I think you are probably right that the depersonalization (I've never heard that term before) is an involuntary avoidance mechanism, to stay conscious of and to try to minimize as much as possible with grounding and witnessing. But there is actually a lot of talk on the internet (e.g. David Icke, Matrix) about the 3D world being a simulation, so it could be that you are seeing things as they really are, raising your consciousness, instead of buying into the simulation. In this case, careful cultivation of this sense would be called for. You could be opening the psychic door, and you want to be protected, with the light. On the other hand, airiness, lack of grounding, inability to lock into the 3D world and contend with it as needed, which is part of our mission here, can be a problem. You do need to be able to function on the earth plane. I would work extended with the induction - the protective light, the grounding earth, the witness, and occasionally go up to the crown chakra and feel yourself to have shifted into the Higher Self. And sure, stay with all the info in the books and work on all levels. Good luck.

[Yacob]

Hi John, thank you for the response. Yes, I agree with the point you made about being too concerned with connecting to the higher self. Maybe I should just wait for it to come organically. You say that witnessing is the best way to experience a sense of the higher self. That's probably something I've forgotten since reading your books, so thank you for reminding me, but I think it is impossible to enter the witness without a deep understanding of what it is and why it is so important. I have tried to enter the witness whilst not really emphasizing a left brain explanation of it to myself and it never works. Maybe this is a good example of the placebo in modern science- you have to truly understand what it is you are doing and why you are doing it in order for it to create an impact on your health and wellbeing. If you go into something with no real confidence relating to what it is you're doing (in this case it would be the knowingness that I'm entering meditation to clear karma and purge myself of pent up emotions) then it's never going to be successful. And I don't personally believe in the protective light/earth notion so its going to be very hard for it to work for me. That is why I was emphasizing the question of staying anchored to all of the info in your books when meditating, which seems to be the antidote to my airiness a lot of the time. Thank you for the reply. And I am going to research David Icke; sounds very interesting!