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So sorry about the long delay in replying. There was a glitch with the forum that I did not notice and I have not been getting notices about postings. It’s fixed now.
Your story with FD illustrates how the traditional spiritual paths do not adequately confront emotions and feelings. Implying that they are to be ‘overcome’ results in a negative attitude towards them, which just suppresses them further into the subconscious. Instead, the more enlightened view is to accept and embrace them, so they naturally balance out and release.
Regarding your question, you may be taking things too literally – maybe that’s my fault. When we say move from the event to the feeling, we don’t necessarily mean to literally lose all awareness of the event. It’s just that we want to focus primarily on the feeling, and not the event. It’s no problem is the event is still there, presumably in the background. The main thing is to not lose the feeling, and whatever means you need to employ is probably ok. As you say, witnessing is key, but witnessing definitely means you are still with the feeling – you don’t lose the feeling when witnessing it. Same with detaching – you don’t lose the feeling, its just that your relationship to it shifts.
Compassion is nice, but it’s not the same as processing the feeling. You’re falling back into compassion maybe because you can’t stay with the feeling. Compassion is a reaction to the feeling, not the feeling. Same with feeling sorry for yourself – these are diversions the mind throws up to get in the way of doing the work. Put them aside and go back to the feelings. Compassion might be appropriate after you have successfully processed and released, but then you might not have any reason for it.
The key is to first, enter alpha – a deep hypnotic state beyond the everyday mind; bring up the event and the feelings; and take them through the steps. Don’t forget about using the breath and the 3rd eye – it can propel you into the altered-state.
Try practicing with the 3rd eye in your meditations to exercise it and really get the ‘witnessing - detaching’ perspective shift.