emotions around being disrespected

[elsie96]

Hiya John, I'm new to the forum but have been familiar with emotional clearing for a few months now. First off, I want to express my gratitude and let you know it seems to be helping me immeasurably. I found both of your books on Amazon and I'm about 3/4 of the way through deep clearing after having finished emotional clearing. A lot of what you preach is brand new to me; I had always thought of myself as spiritual but you seem to have humbled me! It's really refreshing to read such detailed content on such a niche topic, you're clearly an expert.

I wanted to ask you about the emotions around being disrespected. Since my mid/late teens, I've been quite a confrontational person in the sense that I did not allow people to disrespect me in any way. I always saw this as a positive trait to have and it allowed me to bathe in the confidence that came from knowing I didn't take any shit. I felt I needed to have this mindset to be successful in my profession of acting, where everywhere you look there's someone trying to out-shine you or even tear you down for their chance in the spotlight. Anyway, I eventually found this way of living was not sustainable at all, it made me feel strong (in the moment), but I ended up becoming a toxic individual that people didn't enjoy being around. It also zapped me of all my energy as you can imagine. I would literally not let any little violation (or at least my perception of one) slide. After reading your books, I now know I was trying to avoid the feeling of being a pushover at all costs. I have a very distorted way of dealing with people with egos, it seems. The feeling I got when picturing even the smallest of insults being aimed at me was so painful that I had completely block it out through firing back. I truly want to heal myself of this toxic trait and I believe I have got the ball rolling by becoming aware of it. I suppose my question is, have you ever experienced anything similar to this and if so, how did you transcend it? I am finding it really difficult to supress the urge to act out the anger that comes, will that surpass eventually? Is there a middle ground when it comes to acting out the anger? For example, fighting your corner in a way that isn't obviously confrontational?

Any other advice on this would mean a lot to me John. Thank you so much 

[John Ruskan]

The EC Process is both simple and complex to grasp. If you spend some time with the EC books, you should be able to comprehend the logic of the steps, but to apply it to yourself is another story, and takes courage, intelligence, and maturity. You seem to be doing quite well with this, but you are still in the beginning stages of self-work. What you are describing is actually a text-book experience of becoming aware of yourself and your projections, reigning in the knee-jerk blameful responses, and replacing that with a more enlightened approach.

You’re working with the Significance center. We assume there is substantial negativity accumulated there, which takes the form of feelings of inferiority. This gets projected, as described in the books, and then you fight the projection. Becoming aware of this syndrome is the first step to psychological self-awareness. How to transcend it is what the books are all about.

The anger is a first-level emotion. You can work with it in your meditation and eventually it calms down, but it doesn't happen overnight. Ceasing to outwardly express the anger and working with it inwardly is a major challenge but it can be done. You might add some physical activity to channel the anger into if you feel it might be helpful, but that's not imperative. Is there a middle ground for justified outward expression of the anger? I don't think so, giving way to the anger is always a form of self-rejection, but on the other hand, you have to be moderate with yourself and not expect to be able to maintain perfect self-control immediately.

After the first-level emotion of anger comes the core feeling of not being good enough, being inadequate, feeling disrespected. This is where the critical work must be done. I have tried to describe the work in detail in the books. You can work with both these feelings in your meditation. Visualize a scene, let the anger come up, process that, and then go to the core feelings behind it. Keep shifting between them as needed.

You're going in the right direction, as you realize. You just need to stay with it and have confidence that it will result in a major life inner healing.