Hello,
this is my first post on this forum. I'd like to share my experience and maybe get some good advice. I'm 40. Two years ago I started working with emotional clearing. First was "The Presence Process" (M. Brown), then E. Tolle books, and then "Emotional Clearing" by John Ruskan.
From the beginning there was some progress of awareness of pain-body and some processing of blocked emotions, but only three weeks ago I finally got real experience of clearing: there was big suffering in me, and I entered into breathing, being present in the body without thinking. There was lot of suppressed emotions that started to appear and there was lot of crying - almost every day in these three weeks.
When I enter into emotion through breathing I feel energy flowing from below (stomach) toward the head. After that appears physical fatigue, tiredness, but also easiness, lightness inside me. I also discovered that massage and physical exercise (like five Tibetans) help disperse remains of energy. It seemed to me like opening of the whole new world. I couldn't believe what breathing and being present can do in human life. I started to feel lot of space in my chest and stomach, breathing very easily, and enjoying it.
But it's not the end of the story. Now for a few days I feel some energy stuck and trapped in the head. But it's strange. It doesn't go away through breathing and presence - it seems to me like some entity that strongly resist and does not want to go away. When I'm strongly present and aware of the moment, I feel it like flee from below into the top of head creating something like physical pressure inside head above eyes. When my presence is weak, and there is thinking and worrying, I don't feel pressure in the head, but breathing is not so spacious and easy (there is some weight in chest) - almost like this energy wants down into my chest and stomach.
I do not sleep well. Every night - early in the dawn - I wake up from pain body. It's still there, sometime causing big suffering (creating pain and thoughts like: "see, you did not do anything big in the life - there is no escape, you will always be unhappy"). Then I feel like - if I don't want go mad totally - I must stop every thought and from second to second be nothing, only conscious. When I succeed a little bit, I again start to feel space and easiness in the stomach and chest, and energy go to top of head. There are days with very low life energy, being hardly to me to do routine daily jobs. I feel this head-energy like a thick membrane inside head, that blocks my consciousness and distracts me from being present, and it's like my consciousness pushing it until it finally breaks... Jesus Christ, I'm tired and feel like I need hundred years of nothing
Anto,
Mostar, Bosnia and Herzegovina
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