When do you know its time to leave?

[sunnygrl]

I originally posted this as a reply to (relationships) but just figured out how to start a new topic : ) Ok, I read a post from John that this was the place to let it all out....get real with what's going on, so here it is.......I got the book a few weeks ago dove right in..but trying to digest this information on a intellectual level was a bit overwhelming because my brain naturally likes to think and analyze everything - which is exhausting! I decided to work with the meditation CD program and have listened to the first session 3 times. I felt extremely grounded and relaxed after. I'd like to continue with session 2, today! I wanted to post on the forum to just to see if anyone else has struggled with this and to get some insight/feedback. One thing I've learned that has brought relief is just acknowledging negative emotions and feelings when they occur. I think I have naturally suppressed denied many negative feelings for most of my life or I feel shameful when I experience, fear, hurt, mistrust, anger etc. I deny these and they don't get released which has left me feeling very disconnected from people and I feel I'm limited in experiencing true joy and intimacy with people. When I do express negative feelings to people, I usually feel shame after. I know we are supposed to work these out with meditation and with emotional clearing, that the people and circumstances are just triggers for our own "stuff."

Ok...with all of that said...here's what's happening.....I have been dating someone for 8 months now a find myself in a lot of emotional pain. My gut tells me he is hiding something, I feel it has to do with some sort of secret sexual addition. And although I talked to him about it, several times and I don't have any true evidence of anything, just his behavior seems suspicious at times, his energy is nervous around me at times, secretive with phone, etc. Once I looked on his phone and saw a explicit picture of him, he said it was meant for me, but he never sent it to me and we have never sent pictures like that to each other.  My gut is telling me not to trust him but I can't break up with him because we do share a deep connection when we're together, we text and call each other at the same moment, say things at the same time, have lots in common, and there is just a energetic connection we share, we find it hard to sleep together sometimes because of this energy. I do feel God has brought us together and I have attracted him into my life for a reason, I just don't know what it is. I keep telling myself to let it play out, to keep my suspicions to myself, to allow this relationship to develop and the truth will eventually come out. I'm just bad a pretending everything is ok when I have these feelings. I'm trying not to act on my mistrust, but I don't want to be a fool either. He tells me all the things I want to hear, he loves me, he wants to be with me, he would never do anything to hurt me. I also have the fear that I would never find anyone else, fear of being lonely, or having to start dating again.....shoot me now...JK!

How do you know when its time to leave a relationship?  EM clearing says we attract people to help us release and based what's on going on with us. I know I need to take responsibility for allowing myself to continue to be in this relationship with this gnawing feeling in my gut of mistrust. Why is it so hard for me to just walk away? When I do talk to him about it creates disconnect and hurt feelings, then I apologize and pretend its all ok but this feeling won't go away.  Is this a reflection of me not trusting myself? If I complete the program, CDs will it clear out my old "stuff" that may bring clarity to what's happening now?

Any insights, thoughts, feelings, action steps is very welcome. I just feel confused.

Sunnygrl

[John Ruskan]

There is no easy answer to the relationship dilemma, because we all approach intimate relationships from a dependent standpoint. Dependent relationships are inherently unstable, stressful, and disappointing. I would refer you to the EC book, the sections on Dependent Love, and Integrating the Heart.

You seem to have an intellectual comprehension of the dynamics - that the purpose of the relationship is to bring up your stuff - but you would appear to not be fully embracing the principles yet. Can you take more responsibility for your experience and go to a deeper level with this opportunity?

Heavy relationships are always karmic, as the fact that you have a strong attraction would suggest. The purpose is to bring up your negativity, so you can integrate it, and for a kind of karmic clearing to occur between partners. What feelings are coming up for you? That's how you start finding the purpose of the relationship. That's what you should be looking at and working with.

How long to stay together? Usually, we don't stay together long enough. As soon as reality sets in and we see the actual facts about the relationship, we start kicking and screaming to get out of here. But that's when you need to apply the principles. In the old days, once married, you were bonded for life, and there may be something to say for that - it may take a lifetime to work through what any serious relationship has to offer.

However, if some time has gone by and you have earnestly been trying to work with it and are no longer getting anywhere, or if your toleration point has been reached, meaning you can no longer process productively and fall back into other non-productive modes, then maybe it's time to part. If you part with bitterness and hostility, however, it's most probably a sign that you have not released what needs to be released, and the opportunity will need to occur again.

[MrGenie]

I think you know its time to leave when the karmic debt to one another has been paid and your relationship is exposed for what it is. And usually, without the karma dynamic there is nothing worth holding onto.