A wonderfully honest and intelligent sharing. Thank you. Yes, you got it. The inner resistance to the anxiety results in projections and experiences; replacing resistance with acceptance is one of the keys to resolution. Keep in mind that acceptance is only one of the 5 steps. You'll get max results when you apply all the steps together in a regular dedicated daily practice, as if you decided to meditate regularly, which is what this is, only better. Add meditative yoga before you process and it's more better. Let's try to expand it thru the steps:
1. Relax. You sit and go into alpha, using the ec induction in the book and the breathwork. You feel yourself starting to 'detach' from the lower-self feelings as you drift into the right-brain. You connect to the body.
2. Awareness. You're doing well here, got a good understanding of the basics, not blaming, taking responsibility. In the alpha state, you start to get a better view of what's behind the restless anxiety: it's fear. Fear is the core level feeling. You see that it's a major life clearing mission for you. You see that the protection may have been a major draw in the relationship for you, which seemed to make the fear better for a while. If this is so, the dependency aspect is going to undermine the relationship eventually in some form or another, because you are using the rel to avoid the fear. You appear to have made the correct choice in ending it, coming to grips with the dependency. As you keep sitting, over a period of time, you go deeper into the fear, and related suppressed, past, perhaps traumatic events come up at the right time for integration.
3. Acceptance. You're good here, and your acceptance keeps expanding each time you sit, because you keep uncovering unconscious resistance. Eventually, you find that place of choiceless acceptance, where the mind, the seat of resistance/acceptance has stopped. You are in the moment, now, beyond choice.
4. Experience. This is what you've been preparing for. If you skip this, you won't get far. In the choiceless state, beyond time, fully in the body, you observe and allow the fear. You feel it, deep in your body. You feel it as an energy. You are no longer afraid of the fear - you just watch. You maintain the breath to keep the healing energies coming in.
5. Witness. You shift to the higher self witness using the 3rd eye technique. You are no longer the fear, even though it is there in 'your' body. You are something else - the witness.
You practice this until you feel the shifting occur. Since it is a major issue, it will take some time. But I believe with only a few months of practice, you will see real results. Fear will keep re-occurring after that, not as intense, but you don't latch onto it; you just witness. It eventually withers away.
Crying can be good at the right time; it can coincide with a spontaneous release. Excessive crying suggests that it is no longer performing this function, but has become a means of avoidance - turning away from the core feeling, whether it's the fear or loss of the relationship. Try to restrain crying next time by looking with a clear awareness into the feeling level - look for the feeling behind the event of crying. Your awareness (intellectual level) can control the unproductive reactive emotionalism of crying as a defense on the lower feeling level.
As I told Jake, its all downhill from here. Relax into it. Witness everything.
You other guys lend a hand here. Can you relate to Fiona's story? Even if that's all you have to say, tell her that. She's opening up. Put your arm around her. If you have other viewpoints to share, great.
