Strange state

[Parzival]

Hello John,

I recently bought your book and have (almost) completely read it once now. Many of the things you write about are things I had already “discovered” for myself, making it easier for me to understand and to accept, but I hadn’t been able to put it into a big picture yet. Your book did that splendidly, for which I am very grateful. I have a question though, I would like to hear your thoughts about:

Whenever I do “energetic” exercises (fysical ones like some kinds of Tibetan yoga, or visualisations like the ones described in your book, like the grounding exercise or the strengthening of the aura) for a longer period of time, I get into a strange state. My thoughts become unclear and rushed, as if a new thought appears before the last one has ended and I can’t really focus on anything. I feel like there’s too much energy in my system, like an overcharged battery, but at the same time I feel heavy, slow and tired and irritable, perhaps from the surplus of energy. I don’t feel completely present, but at the same time I’m extremely sensitive to my surroundings (I cannot bear to be touched and sometimes even being in natures is too much (visual) imput to bear) and I'm very aware of what’s happening inside of me. Because of these somewhat contradictory feelings, I feel a bit confused as well, sometimes feeling like I’m going crazy, although I can always sense my normal me to be present amidst this chaos somewhere, so there's never a real fear of going crazy.

It is a very unpleasant state and I’m unable to get any kind of work done. I can’t get out of this state deliberately (I can’t “pull myself together”), until I stop with the exercises. When I do stop, this state quickly subsides and my normal state of being returns. I have tried to accept this state a few times, to see what happens, but it’s impossible to do this for a longer period of time, because it debilitates my normal functioning too much and it becomes intolerable to be in this state for more than week at most. Accepting it doesn’t seem to change anything about it.

Do you have any idea what this might be? I have a very sensitive body (coffee, sugar, alcohol, etc. have strong effects on me), so maybe my energy body is sensitive to energetic exercises, getting out of balance by them? Or maybe the extra energy releases more repressed energy from my subconscious than I can handle, causing my mind to detach a bit? Or could it be something else? Is there anything you could recommend me to do or not to do?

Thanks very much in advance for your answer and I wish you a very happy new year.

Kind regards, Parzival

[John Ruskan]

I assume you mean that when you are maintaining a regular (daily) practice with psychic exercises, you experience this hyper out of balance condition most of the time. Then, when you stop the daily routine, the out of balance condition normalizes. You're not doing the exercises continually throughout the day, right? A moderate daily practice of an hour, let's say, would be reasonable. I'm not sure what you mean by "longer period."

I agree with all the possibilities you cite. It's hard to know exactly what's going on, but it's probable that there's too much stimulation, and you need to regulate the practice so you're getting positive results, and build up slowly. I would suggest grounding, but you mention that grounding also produces the state. Sorry I can't be more specific - just try easing off.

[Parzival]

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

I indeed meant that when I do some sort of psychic exercise on a regular basis (never longer than an hour each day) I gradually get into this state in a matter of days or weeks, depending on the exercise.

It's good to hear that you think my explanations could be right. I've taken another look into myself and I think that I'm not really as accepting of my feelings as I thought or hoped I was. The exercises probably get me in touch with myself/my feelings more deeply than I want, causing my mind to panic and to franticly look for ways to escape the upcoming feelings. In other words, my mind is still very controling and pushing. I've really noticed this the last few days, since I payed more attention to it. The mind is a wonderful thing and its capacities to delude itself are plentiful!  I also believe that I might be uncomfortable with having more energy than usual. I've lived most of my live a bit on the tired side, with the occasional depressed episode. The energy boost I get from doing psychic exercises feels strange, causing me to feel not like myself, I think.

I will take it down a notch and be more gentle for myself. Thanks again for your response!