Self-blame, or guilt, is a variation of the basic
blame dynamic. It is a self-serving mechanism calculated to avoid owning
and feeling on a deeper level. By blaming ourselves, we protect ourselves
just as blaming others will protect the ego from the realization of its
responsibility for its experience.
Self-blame is not the same
as taking responsibility
Spiritual seekers, when first realizing that they
are responsible for their experience, may fall into the trap of blaming
themselves rather than others. The result is still self-rejection, preventing
them from going further in their work. You must realize that your Karma
has been formed out of ignorance, not deliberate intention; it is simply
the result of where you are on the evolutionary journey.
If you feel self-blame because you think you are responsible
for someone else’s condition, you should realize that you are reacting
inappropriately. Relationships are always mutual, meaning there is mutual
consent. Others also have their Karma and have chosen the relationship to
bring their experience to themselves, although, of course, this does not
condone deliberate mistreatment of others.
Intellectual therapies, in particular, take a long
time to resolve unconscious blame or guilt. How should this be handled in
processing? The guilt of the mind needs to be reconditioned, not accepted.
The principle of affirmation can be used effectively here.