The question of loneliness is one we all must confront.
We must understand that because we are compulsive, no amount of being with
others, even a special loved one, will eliminate loneliness. The excitement
of a new relationship, especially if it is sexual, will cover loneliness
temporarily, but after a while, it no longer has the same effect, and loneliness
returns. We may then look for another relationship, but we continue to suppress
our loneliness, becoming superficial and using others. Eventually our Karma
will create a situation designed to teach us once and for all that we cannot
escape from loneliness.
If you have not developed your capacity for loving
yourself, you will be lonely regardless of whom you are with. You will not
be able to accept love from others, even if they are genuinely loving. You
may have experienced this in reverse – possibly you have been with
someone who could not accept your love because they could not touch the
love within themselves.
Integrating loneliness is the only way I know to work
with it. Integrating the pain, the isolation, the separateness that you
feel will result in its eventual transformation. Even though it sometimes
seems as if it may never be possible to eliminate the experience of loneliness
completely, there is no question that it is much more painful when we have
developed the habit of suppressing it.
When loneliness is integrated, you will gain a sense
of personal empowerment. You will feel more complete unto yourself and will
choose to be with others to share yourself and your joy, not in the hope
of finding happiness because you are with them. Relying on myself is a lesson
that I have to relearn from time to time. Whenever I feel sad and turn to
a friend for support or to find happiness, it rarely works. I am reminded
that I must go within and welcome whatever feelings are there.
