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loneliness
 

John Ruskan's
Emotional Clearing

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The question of loneliness is one we all must confront. We must understand that because we are compulsive, no amount of being with others, even a special loved one, will eliminate loneliness. The excitement of a new relationship, especially if it is sexual, will cover loneliness temporarily, but after a while, it no longer has the same effect, and loneliness returns. We may then look for another relationship, but we continue to suppress our loneliness, becoming superficial and using others. Eventually our Karma will create a situation designed to teach us once and for all that we cannot escape from loneliness.

If you have not developed your capacity for loving yourself, you will be lonely regardless of whom you are with. You will not be able to accept love from others, even if they are genuinely loving. You may have experienced this in reverse – possibly you have been with someone who could not accept your love because they could not touch the love within themselves.

Integrating loneliness is the only way I know to work with it. Integrating the pain, the isolation, the separateness that you feel will result in its eventual transformation. Even though it sometimes seems as if it may never be possible to eliminate the experience of loneliness completely, there is no question that it is much more painful when we have developed the habit of suppressing it.

When loneliness is integrated, you will gain a sense of personal empowerment. You will feel more complete unto yourself and will choose to be with others to share yourself and your joy, not in the hope of finding happiness because you are with them. Relying on myself is a lesson that I have to relearn from time to time. Whenever I feel sad and turn to a friend for support or to find happiness, it rarely works. I am reminded that I must go within and welcome whatever feelings are there.

 
 

© 2004 John Ruskan / The Institute for Integrative Processing