The painful feelings have not cleared; they remain strong
because we have habitually rejected them. Rejection of feelings is self-rejection,
because on a certain level we are our feelings. We find ourselves in an
endless cycle of pain and self-rejection, the opposite of self-love. Rejection
of feelings is also suppression. Pain stays suppressed, and whenever it
breaks into awareness we again suppress it through self-rejection.
Self-rejection is a
function of the mind
The mind is the gate that opens or closes, thereby allowing
or preventing direct experience. Any action of the mind that blocks direct
experience is self-rejecting; conversely, any action of the mind that allows
direct experience is self-accepting.
Self-acceptance is more of a passive quality than an active
or aggressive quality. It comes into being when the mechanical mind reaction
of self-rejection has ceased. Accordingly, there is nothing really to do,
only to stop doing. We are conditioned to be aggressive in pursuing goals
in the world. Often we turn toward inner growth with the same kind of aggressiveness
and impatience for results. This very attitude is self-rejecting. Acceptance
happens when there is no active seeking, when there is no expectation or
striving, when the mind has come to rest.
When something is accepted, the barriers of the mind to
direct experience – to the feeling of the event – are taken
down. When you are feeling, you are not suppressing; you are in the moment.
Whether you intellectually prefer the moment to be as it is has nothing
to do with your acceptance of it. If you are self-accepting, your mind does
not block your feelings. The intellect remains free to have any preference
it might. You don’t have to like something to accept it. Your preference
that the event be different may take the form of actively initiating change,
but your preference does not influence your acceptance.